Having a baby has completely exposed my selfishness. The ugliness of my total dedication to self has been glaringly obvious the past three months. I have been shocked and appalled by the thoughts that have run through my head.
I have been broken before the Lord over my selfishness. I have seen the true state of my heart and realized I'm not who I think I am.
Wednesday night at Worship + Study Ryan said "Jesus has come to break our addiction to self and to set us free from our slavery to our self-obsessed desires."
In that moment I heard God say to me that awareness is not the same as freedom. I have been uncomfortably aware of my sin of pride and selfishness, but I have not been taking steps to overcome this sin and live in glorious freedom.
It is simply amazing how with each step closer to Christ I realize how small I am. As I grow I am painfully aware of my worthlessness without Him and my inability to do any good with my own hands.
i am so right there with you. maybe we can walk together :)
ReplyDeleteYou are my hero!
ReplyDeleteIt's like the second you realize something from the Lord, that epiphany moment, satan steps in and tries to make you prideful "hey, you're good. you realized something." and that next second, hopefully, prayerfully, is then bathed in your realization of your pride. "For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do the things I want, no I do the things I hate. For when I want to do good, evil is right there with me. Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ." Yes, Jesus has certainly used my daughter as well to reveal my sin of self. and you're so right, being aware of it isn't being free. thank you for this word, sister.
ReplyDeleteI love you.
by the way, as I'm typing this, Lucy is walking around right next to me. yes, walking.
meryl-we are walking together! i will never forget those precious days in troy where we walked with Christ side by side! praise God for our friendship!
ReplyDeletebethany-you're so sweet!
alison-right on! that is so how i feel! i want to overcome so badly!
sweet lucy is walking!!! give her a big kiss for me! love you much.